


It's Cold Out Here

by DepressedCarrot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Depression, Gen, It's set in Snow Day, Little Homeschool, Obsession, Snow Day, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DepressedCarrot/pseuds/DepressedCarrot
Summary: Steven is struggling to come to terms with the idea that he's a stressed-out young adult with a million things on his mind. He just wished the Gems saw him for who he was and not who he used to be.Set in the episode 'Snow Day'.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	It's Cold Out Here

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GhostRemnant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostRemnant/gifts).



> Wrote this for the lovely, GhostRemnant. Thank you very much for showing your support, I saw that Snow Day was one of your favourites and thought it would be good to write some stressed out Steven! 
> 
> I have to admit that as much as I brought out my 'Steven is stressed - help him' style of writing, I wish I had done this different. But hey, here we are, ready to jump right in! 
> 
> Buckle up and picture Steven in Snow Day having just left to go to Little Homeschool as Pearl piled on a bunch of scarfs.

Steven stood by the door and sighed, his internal thoughts playing on his mind like a never-ending metronome. Although, rather than a constant back and forth he could only feel his mind spiralling into a dark abyss. So many perspectives - most of them with a solid hint of negativity. 

He had to push through this. There were so many people and gems relying on him being at Little Homeschool and he had a very important schedule to keep to. It would have been irresponsible for him to have gone against his responsibilities. Time was of the essence and no longer struggling to manage that time was something he had worked hard to achieve.

He knew that Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl were only there to help. They were always there to help. Perhaps...a little too much. Although, in recent years he had become a lot more independent on what it was he wanted to do with his day. 

It was no longer about the stress he held that forced his hand on trying to save the planet or establish peace for a war that he played no part in. His entire life had been built upon the demands of others, for making up for what other people did - making up for what his  _ mother  _ had done. 

Pearl had overloaded him in his jacket and a couple of scarfs. As he stepped down from the beach house and onto the sand towards his car he grumbled. He couldn't quite understand why they still felt the need to treat him like a kid. After everything that had happened...in their eyes, he was still nothing more than a child that they swore to protect. 

Steven didn't need protecting - it was quite the opposite. If it wasn't for his charisma and universal charms then he wouldn't have been able to establish peace with the Diamonds. Why was that so hard for them to understand? 

Could a  _ kid  _ do that? 

Surprisingly, he had been a kid when he pushed through. Although, that didn't make it right. It was something that could have been avoided, Steven had made it his destiny from a very young age to partake in that battle. At the time, it was the best decision he could have ever made. Now? Was the pain and stress really worth it? 

Yes. Very much so. Steven attempted to knock the thought out of his mind as he clambered into his car. He wouldn't dare to come across as ungrateful for everything that they had done for him. 

Although, it wasn't about that. 

He took a deep breath and readjusted the rearview mirror, taking off the excess pink scarf that Pearl had wrapped around his neck before haphazardly throwing it on the back seat. He needed to make sure he remembered it when he went home to at least give off the illusion that he believed Pearl was right in her decision making. 

If he could face life-threatening gem stuff, then he could have made his own decision about wearing a jacket and other outdoor gear. That shouldn't have been a decision that they made  _ for _ him. If he wanted to be cold then he would have to learn from his own mistakes, couldn't they have just allowed him the luxury of failure? 

They had rejected him in the past. The idea that in order to keep his strength up they needed to assure him that what he was doing was right. A way to guide him to his decision making. Even after all of this time, he still couldn't help but feel as if they didn't trust him to be himself. 

They didn't trust him to  _ grow up _ . 

It hadn't quite worked so well in the past, but this was different! It was about a winter jacket and he most certainly had earned the right to make mundane errors. So what if he got a cold? That would be his own fault and a decision that he would have been okay with. 

Steven twisted the key in the ignition as he looked ahead and stared at the snow blanketing the windshield. It had made the car a lot darker on the inside, but it only served to hinder his ability to go to work. He turned on the blowers and sat impatiently waiting for the screen to clear. 

He knew that things would have been quicker if he were to have prompted the snow off the car himself, but that also meant that he would have to get out of the car which was slowly warming up. A part of him was suddenly thankful for Pearl's suggestion of a jacket. 

He knew he should have gotten out of the car to speed up the process, but a part of him was happy to have sat in the car a little longer. An internalised debate on whether or not he wanted to go to Little Homeschool. 

He had to. 

It wasn't so much a case that he  _ had _ to - but did he  _ want  _ to? 

He didn't have much of a choice. He had obligations and letting people down would have been the wrong thing to do. Gems didn't deserve that. Nobody deserved that, not even Steven. 

But...wouldn't it have been nice to have a day off from the commotion that happened frequently at Little Homeschool? Something he would never have been able to escape from. 

He remembered the days even before all of the...peace. Days in-between important missions where he would visit the arcade, order sweet treats at The Big Donut, play music with The Cool Kids, visit the library or even just hang out with Connie. All things he missed, but never had the chance to do anymore. 

Perhaps that was a part of growing up? Having too many obligations to have the time to even think for yourself? No time for anything other than work and sleep. 

That felt like his life. Dormant. Boring? 

People like Connie had spent all of their life stuck inside of the education system and yet Steven had never been accustomed to that regiment. Being a Crystal Gem didn't give him a clear schedule. Some problems needed to be solved no matter the time of day, whether that was late at night or during the middle of the day. Gems didn't need sleep...but Steven did. 

Finding himself inside of Little Homeschool was the closest that Steven had ever had to a solid routine. Enough that he needed to make sure that he kept to it with sticky-note reminders and alarms on his phone. A schedule was important and making out a plan beforehand was most certainly the best option. Nothing could compare. 

Alarm after alarm, it was the routine that he needed. Routine to make sure that he was being as helpful as possible. A routine that helped settle his anxieties. If he stuck to the schedule that he had aligned he would have enough time to do everything he needed in a short space of time. He would have enough time to give to everyone and help them where needed. 

Steven pressed down on the clutch as he put the Dondai in reverse, feeling as if enough snow had cleared from the glass that he could continue on his journey. He pressed his finger against the button on the front of the cassette player as the music that his dad had provided began to play quietly in the car. It was simply an old cassette from a band that Greg used to listen to at Steven's age. 

His drive to Little Homeworld was always the best part of his day - when he took his car, at least. It was the only time during the day that he got to  _ himself _ , something that he didn't get anymore. Constantly bombarded with questions that he felt he needed to have the answer to. People relied on him and he could  _ never  _ let them down. 

It was just nice to be alone. Even if it was for those few minutes that he spent listening to music in the car. The gentle hum of the engine and the fans blowing hot air onto his face. Sometimes he wished he could just drive...forever. 

Being behind the wheel of a car gave him so much independence and freedom that he didn't quite have before. Sure, he could have warped to a lot of places on the planet and off - but some places were only accessible by human transportation and that felt nice to know. 

Nice to know that some sections of the planet would have taken the Gems a little longer to get to him. A little longer to  _ find _ him. In a way, it was nice to know that there were some places he could truly be alone...if he ever wanted that. If he ever  _ needed _ that. 

Was it selfish to have wanted to have been alone sometimes? 

Steven didn't know. He never wanted to disappoint anyone and he couldn't quite help but feel as if that was teetering on the realms of becoming just that. A disappointment. 

Steven's knuckles turned white as he gripped onto the steering wheel a little harder, the beat of the music continuing at a steady pace. He chewed his bottom lip as he tensed his shoulders, feeling incredibly stressed by the idea of showing up to Little Homeschool in his current mindset. He needed to shake it. 

He only imagined that Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth amongst the other gems would have pressed to see what was going on with him. What  _ was _ going on with him? Regardless of how he felt on the inside, he couldn't let it shine through. He had to be strong.

He just wanted to prove that he was an adult now, or at least on the cusp and could handle all of these situations without any need for any assistance. He just wished that the gems would stop treating him like a little kid and respect him for the person that he was. 

It was hard to move on with everything when everyone was still so stuck in the past. He thought that solving everything would have truly solved  _ everything _ , but even if things were fine for everyone else - they didn't quite seem fine for Steven Universe. 

The journey over to Little Homeschool was cathartic, but it didn't release Steven of the tension that he needed to disperse. It didn't quite seem as if there was any way of getting out of that funk other than to have continued to pile things onto it. That was just his life now and he was going to have to put up with it whether he wanted to or not.

It felt like no matter what he did things weren't going to have gotten better. No matter how many scarves that Pearl tried to pile on. Things were going to have stayed the same. He was always going to have remained the same in their eyes. 

As he parked outside of Little Homeschool he sat inside of his car for a few moments, preparing himself for the day ahead. He switched the engine off and glanced down at his phone, checking over his schedule once more. There was a lot to do and there was no way that he was going to have done it all with all of the snow outside. 

Sure, the gems wouldn't have been cold - but he sure would be. Regardless, he would have to push through. 

He took a few deep breaths before exiting the car, throwing his bag over his shoulder and making his way through Little Homeschool. It was incredibly cold and unlike his childhood self, he had suddenly decided that he had grown an intolerance to snow. It was a hindrance to his plans and had even made the drive over a little tricker. 

He knew that it was about time that he went and prepared himself for the first thing on his schedule. Although, he needed to make sure his head was in the right space for him to have done so. He couldn't have been super negative around everyone in Little Homeschool. 

Earth was supposed to have been the happiest, most wonderful place they ever had the pleasure of being, not a black and white world viewed through the eyes of a stressed-out teenage boy.

He forced himself to smile. That was just part of his job. Obligations to do so. 

As he lost himself in a trance within his mind, he suddenly felt himself come to a stop, bumping into a much smaller gem. His sudden reaction was to panic as his careless actions had caused them to stumble, even himself being close to tripping completely over them. 

"Little Larimar! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" Steven immediately apologised, too caught up with his own feelings to have even bothered looking where he was going. He reached down to comfort the gem, although it seemed as if they were fine with his accidental bump. 

Steven wasn't fine with it. He had been careless. He needed to be more in line with the task at hand, rather than the obsessive thoughts about the Gems and their harrowing opinions about his inability to grow up. At least, the inability for them to see him any different. 

"Oh, hi Steven! Lovely frozen precipitation we're having! It's like ice falling from the sky! Isn't Earth wonderful?" Little Larimar steadied herself before looking up at Steven, not bothered in the slightest by Steven's accident. 

"It sure is." Steven smiled, somewhat feeling as if he was in another space that wasn't quite Little Homeschool. He had to push through, not allowing anyone to see the true stress that he felt. 

“Do you have a busy day today, Steven?” Little Larimar placed her hands together as she glanced up at Steven with her usual cheery expression. Steven couldn’t help but feel somewhat irked by the happy gem. 

How could someone be so positive when there were so many negative things happening all around them? Perhaps it was just because it was better than whatever they had before. That made sense. 

If that was the case, Steven should have been happy too. He should have been able to push through and see the positives to just about everything that he thought about. He couldn’t do it. Things just weren’t that easy. 

“Yeah...it seems that way.” Steven looked off into the distance to see if there was any way that he could cut the conversation with the gem short. Out of politeness, he continued, “It’s a shame there’s so much snow today - we’ll have to put some activities off until it all clears up.” 

“Why can’t we participate in snow activities instead? The cold is so wonderful!” Larimar grinned once more, bringing up the suggestion. 

Steven chewed his bottom lip at the thought. She was right. They could. But, it wouldn’t have helped his cause or his stress. 

“Well, that is a good idea - but we can’t. That would put us too far behind on schedule and we need to be ready for graduation soon. There’s not long left now!” Steven forced a smile, the snow truly had been a hindrance to everything that he wanted to do. Everything that he needed to do. 

How could the gems possibly think that he had time to be a kid anymore? He barely got the chance when he  _ was _ a kid and yet they were trying to force it on him now? It was silly - he had work to do. This was much more important than whatever they had planned for him and he wasn’t going to conform to it. 

“Ah, yes!  _ Graduation _ ! I’ve heard this event may be even better than...snow!” Larimar picked up some of the snow and held it in her hands. She had every ability to have sculpted something interesting, although, all she did was hold it steady. 

Steven watched the gem holding the snow before shaking his head out of his trance. 

“Uh...I’d love to stick around and talk snow all day with you, Larimar, but I really do have to go. These lessons won’t run themselves! Catch you later, have an  _ ice _ day!” Steven chuckled as he waved at the little gem, realising that just by being caught up in that conversation he was already behind where he needed to be. 

Little Larimar waved back as Steven turned, holding onto the strap of his bag and pacing through the snow on the ground. It was just enough that he could step and not have to wade through it all. He still managed to get snow in his boots...somehow. 

He continued to walk, making his way through Little Homeschool as a way to look after his everyday responsibilities. Little Homeschool was pretty quiet with all of the snow about, he was curious to know how it would have made an impact. For gems like Larimar - not much. 

It was just when he felt as if he had only just made a start to go to the first location on his agenda that he was interrupted by the brute force of what could have only been a snowball on the back of his neck. The hit was sudden and the cold of the snowball caused his head to jolt forward as snow fell into the back of his jacket. He grumbled audibly before hoping that nobody had heard him do so. 

He spun on his heel, hoping that he kept his emotions under wraps as he scanned the area for the culprit. From where he had just walked, Larimar stood still with the snowball in her hands shaking her head. If it wasn’t Larimar, then…

“Steven! I hope that wasn’t too...cold!” Lapis snorted with a slight wave, causing Steven to bite his tongue. He brushed the snow off the back of his neck, a lot of it dripping down his back and causing him to shiver. 

“Lapis...wow, yeah - it’s cold!” Steven shivered as he continued to brush his neck. 

“We were all thinking of taking the day to hang around in the snow. Want to join us?” Lapis suddenly questioned, taking Steven by surprise with the ask. There was nothing about his expression that indicated his desire to have done just that. 

“What?” 

“Hanging out? You know how to do that, right?” Lapis cocked her brow with a smirk. 

“Yes, I  _ know  _ how to do that.” Steven confirmed with a nod before brushing the front of his jacket. “But we have so much to do before graduation. Taking time off to do anything else will just put us behind schedule!” 

“Bismuth was pretty set on the idea that this would be good for team-building. I don’t quite see how you’ll be able to convince her otherwise.” Lapis crouched down to grab another handful of snow, despite having so much power when it came to water...it was a little different when that water was frozen. 

“We already have a plan.” Steven straightened his jacket to try and shake the snow away from his back. 

Lapis was a little lost with Steven’s defensiveness. 

“Everyone here has sort of gotten used to the idea of things...changing. It’s kind of Earth’s thing, right?” Lapis snorted, coming to the realisation that Steven didn’t have any excuse for skipping out on the fun of the snow. Even she had enjoyed the hilarity of throwing snowballs at Peridot before she got to Little Homeschool. 

Steven sighed, realising that he could have fought his corner over and over, but there was no way that he was going to win. Regardless, it wasn’t even as if he had the energy to do so. Hopefully, the snow would have cleared up a little more tomorrow giving him ample opportunity to continue on schedule as planned. He couldn’t get behind. Nobody could!

“Right.” Steven half-smiled. This was something that his younger self had taught gems and continued to do so throughout his teenage years and yet in that moment he suddenly regretted it. 

Change. Steven had changed. Steven had changed a lot and yet the Gems never saw that as well as he had hoped. They certainly didn’t allow him that luxury. 

“So, you’re going to join us?” Lapis attempted to perfect the snowball in her hand. Steven was a little cautious to know whether or not that snowball would have been thrown at him too. He hoped not. 

Steven didn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially not any of the gems at Little Homeschool. They had been working so hard, but one last push and they would have been there on time. Perhaps there was going to have been room for extra lessons at some point? Steven wasn’t sure, but he knew he would have thought about it too long and hard to have not come up with a solution in time. 

“I…”

“You’re not going to try and get out of a snowball fight,  _ are you _ ?” Lapis placed her hand on her hip as she held the snowball in the other hand.

Steven gulped at the thought - it  _ would  _ have been pretty fun. 

No, he needed to work. He couldn’t have fun. He wasn’t a kid anymore. 

“N-no, I would never. It’s just...I need to go and re-do my schedule. If we’re going to spend the day doing something completely different to what’s planned - I need to plan for  _ that _ .” Steven pulled out his phone, ready to have rearranged the next couple of days at Little Homeschool. 

“Pffttt, you don’t have to do that right now - do you?” Lapis laughed, finding humour in Steven’s stress. He immediately reminded him of Peridot’s desperation for perfection, Lapis was more of a  _ I’ll do it later _ kind of gem. 

Steven didn’t quite know how to respond. No matter what - she was never going to have let him get away. The day had already been ruined by the unprecedented weather. It always snowed around this time of year in Beach City and as much as he had tried to plan around it, today was not one of those days.

“If I don’t do it now, it’ll never get done.” Steven shook his head. “I’ll be back soon.”

Steven turned back around and began to walk towards Peridot’s greenhouse. He knew that it would have been empty at this time in the morning, somewhere peaceful for him to have sat down and reworked his plan. 

He felt the cold slap of a snowball on the back of his neck once more, causing him to gasp as the sudden temperature change. He spun around with furrowed brows of frustration, clenched fists and his lips pressed into a thin line. Then he stopped, noticing that Lapis still had the snowball in her hand, Little Larimar was empty-handed and was now waving at Steven with a smile. 

He sighed deeply before heading to the only place where he felt as if he could have space from the very quickly paced moments that he had since he had gotten out of the Dondai. This was not how he had expected his morning to be like. He was already behind on everything and yet suddenly none of that mattered. 

He was forced to continue - plan or not. 

As soon as he got into the greenhouse he held his phone in his hands and began to flick through the schedule that he had planned out. Nobody seemed to understand that he had important things to be getting on with. Why was it so hard for people to get that? So hard for everyone to have just left him to his own devices to figure out what it was he needed to do? 

He went and sat down on an overturned bucket that was beside a section of plants to gather his thoughts. It was terrible to know that even if something meant a lot to him - it didn’t seem to bother anyone else. Not unless it was gem related stuff. 

He brushed his hat off his head and sighed heavily. Today was going to have been a tough day and catching up tomorrow would have made things a whole lot worse. At least...that was if the gems allowed for him to focus on his work and not smother him. 

He just wished he had the opportunity to tell them how he felt. He didn’t want to upset them. 

He just wanted to grow up. 

However, as he flicked through the schedule briefly to see what the weather may have changed that day a notification popped up on his screen. 

_ You forgot your gloves, would you like me to bring them over to you? _

It was a text from Pearl. 

Steven’s lips curled at the edges into a small smirk, it was nice to know that they cared about him - even if it could be overbearing and for that, he was forever grateful. He loved them all so much. 

He stared at his phone for a few moments before typing out a response. 

_ Thank you, Pearl, but I’m sure I’ll be fine without them. _

He knew that without a doubt, she would bring them anyway - but the least he could do was try. 

He scrolled back up his schedule and sighed again. It could wait until tomorrow. Sure, he would have probably stressed out more about it tomorrow - but it would wait. 

He placed his hat back onto his head and stood up straight with a deep breath. 

It was time to face the world and think about the consequences later. Bottling it up and pushing it down. Something that Steven Universe had gotten used to doing. 

_ Too  _ used to...and he couldn’t stop it now. 

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Damn, I really hate writing Gems. When I do write gems, I should probably start with someone easy.
> 
> Also me: i'M GoInG To WRitE LItTLe lARimaR
> 
> Alright, practice makes perfect - maybe one day I'll be able to write more non-AU content. But hey, let me stick to what's right. :^) Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
